I Made Hemingway’s Writing Worse (Here’s Why It Works)
How to Turn Bad Writing into a Hemingway Masterpiece
Some of the best writing lessons come from looking at great authors—and then doing the opposite. Today, I’m going to show you how to take fantastic writing by Ernest Hemingway and, for learning purposes, make it worse. Why? Because seeing what happens when you weaken prose makes the brilliance of good writing even clearer.
Let’s play a little game: can you tell which lines are Hemingway’s and which are mine?
Telling vs. Showing
Here’s an example of how I “weakened” Hemingway:
“One loyal to him.”
This tells the reader where the character’s loyalties lie—but it’s flat and generic. Now, look at Hemingway:
“The others who would not open their mouths after the change of allegiance were all leaning forward to listen.”
Notice the difference? My version is generic; Hemingway’s is specific. He shows behavior instead of explaining it. You can infer loyalty from actions. Leaning forward, remaining silent—these small details communicate allegiance far more vividly than a bland label ever could.
Subtle Shifts Matter
Next, consider this “weakened” version:
“He felt the girl's arm resting on his shoulder as she looked.”
Simple, yes—but it flattens the scene. Instead of immersing the reader in Robert Jordan’s experience, it simply describes it. Hemingway, on the other hand, allows us to live the moment. The background characters—often just floating in the scene—become meaningful through actions. You feel Robert’s attraction to the girl because you see the impact of her touch, rather than being told about it.
Characters Speak Through Actions
Here’s another comparison:
Weakened:
“The woman of Pablo was watching too. Only Pablo took no interest, sitting by himself, unhappy with it all.”
Hemingway:
“Only Pablo took no interest, sitting by himself with a cup of wine that he replenished by dipping into the big bowl Maria had filled from the wineskin that hung to the left of the entrance to the cave.”
The difference is stark. My version is vague—“unhappy with it all.” Hemingway shows behavior: Pablo isolates himself, repeatedly refills his wine, disengages from the group. The reader infers his resentment, withdrawal, and resistance. No one is telling you; you experience it.
This is a key rule: let setting and character emerge through action, not paragraphs of description.
Dialogue That Matters
Weak dialogue flattens tension:
“Go on. Shut up!”
Hemingway’s dialogue is specific, charged, and distinct to the character:
“Shut up! Coward. Shut up! Bad luck bird. Shut up! Murder.”
Even without explicit explanation, you know this is her. Word choice preserves voice and personality.
Similarly, Pablo’s dialogue demonstrates subtext and emotional layers. Weak version:
“You command now. But I don’t like this.”
Hemingway’s version:
“Good,” Pablo said. “I shut up. It is thou who commands now and you should continue to look at the pretty pictures. But remember that I am not stupid.”
Notice how much richer this is. Pablo resists emotionally, reasserts dignity, and conveys threat—all through action and words.
Using Point of View Effectively
One subtle but powerful Hemingway technique is shifting point of view during emotional scenes. For instance, when the woman of Pablo experiences intense feelings:
“She knew this feeling from when she was a girl, and she knew the things that cause it all through her life. It came now suddenly. And she put it away from her and would not let it touch her. Neither her nor the Republic.”
Here, we enter her perspective to understand private emotions and link them to larger political stakes. You can do this too—secondary characters can become fully alive when you let readers in on their point of view at key moments.
Key Takeaways for Writers
Show, don’t tell. Leaning forward, drinking alone, touching someone’s shoulder—these reveal more than abstract explanations.
Preserve character voice. Dialogue should feel unique, not generic.
Embed stakes in action. Every movement, choice, and gesture can carry meaning.
Be flexible with point of view. Shifting to secondary characters during emotional moments can deepen tension and theme.
Let the setting emerge naturally. Actions, interactions, and behavior can convey context without long paragraphs of exposition.
Learning from the masters—sometimes by doing the opposite—can teach you more than any lecture. Hemingway’s genius isn’t just in the words he writes, but in the layers, depth, and subtext he embeds through action and behavior.
So next time you write a scene, ask yourself: are your stakes embedded in the action? Are your characters’ emotions shown, not explained? Are you flexible with point of view?
Happy writing!